So my phone has been literally silent for the last 4 days. Not one single person has texted me and well I haven’t texted anyone either. I’m not surprised though I feel like I have nothing to say. Do you ever have those days where it seems like everyone around you is doing something with their lives? It’s like they all have something to talk about that’s happening and it’s always good to hear your friends being happy and succeeding in life.
But do you ever just feel that you aren’t contributing to anything? Nothing new is happening in your life. Nothing worth talking about anyway. Sure I lost a lot of weight and I’m freaking out about it but a lot of people want to lose weight anyway so it’s not really a big deal to anyone but me.
I feel that way a lot. I keep quiet and speak to no one because I have nothing to show for my existence besides the simple fact that my body is not in the ground yet. I stay away from social media because it’s a reminder that other people are living their lives while I’m here. I can be happy for my friends genuinely and still really be upset for myself. Yes people say it all the time that we aren’t on the same path and all and that you can’t measure your life by other people’s lives. It’s not even about other people. It’s about me.
How does one even begin to live their lives? What does that even mean? I’m worried that if I die I’ll be remembered as “the girl people used to talk to who then just vanished.” Can you imagine that? Some of you might be reading this and thinking “well then do something if you are so unhappy” *sigh* yeah trust me I would love to do something, I just dont know how or what.
It is a really defeating feeling, feeling like you aren’t really living your life, you are wasting your young years away and you will look back and see you have nothing to show for your life. I am likely depressing you. Sorry..
Well thank you for tuning into another Random Mental Health Ramblings segment. I hope you guys are happy with your lives or with yourselves 🌻💛